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Fall 2013 Previews and Predictions: ABC

16 Sep

ABC

(In order to meld the spirit of futile sports predictions with the high stakes world of the who-will-be-cancelled-first fall television season, I’ve set up a very simple system of predictions for how long new shows will last.  Each day, I’ll (I’m aware I switched between we and I) lay out a network’s new shows scheduled to debut in the fall (reality shows not included – I’m already going to fail miserably on scripted shows, I don’t need to tackle a whole other animal) with my prediction of which of three categories it will fall into.

These categories are:

1.  Renewal – show gets renewed

2.  13+ – the show gets thirteen or more episodes, but not renewed

3.  12- – the show is cancelled before 13)

ABC is the last of the four major networks to get predictions and previews here (CW does not count).  They’ve also got the most new fall shows with 8 and I feel less confident about predictions their shows than any network I’ve done so far.  Still, I’ll have a got at it.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – 9/24

Agents of Shield

Probably the most anticipated show of the fall season, Agents represents Marvel’s first foray into live television since the beginning of the new Marvel Cinematic Universe, starting with Iron Man. Agents also represents Joss Whedon’s first return to television since Dollhouse. Though he won’t be working on this show day-to-day like he has on his other shows (Avengers 2 requires a lot of work), he co-created the show with his brother Jed Whedon and his brother’s wife, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Joss directs the first episode, which all three co-wrote.  Agent Phil Coulson, played by Clark Gregg returns to lead a group of eccentric characters who try to solve weekly supernatural action mysteries.

Prediction: Renewal – my most confident renewal pick, along with The Blacklist, though since it’s network television, anything can happen – still it’s a pretty good bet, I think the Marvel name, shepherded by the Whedon writing and sensibility will carry the day.

The Goldbergs – 9/24

All Goldbergs

Television loves making trips to the past. In this case, The Goldbergs is the story of a family in the wacky and wild 1980s, complete with the fashions and music and everything else that comes to mind immediately when you think of the ’80s.  There’s the gruff and angry dad, played by Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Jeff Garlin, with his wife played by Bridesmaids and Rules of Engagement’s Wendi McLendon-Covey.  They have three kids, including a hot daughter, a goofy teenage son, and a younger son who videotapes all their exploits. They’re all joined by Grandpa, played by George Segal. It does not look promising, and the posters of the family dressed in matching striped shirts doesn’t help anything.

Prediction: 12- It’s getting a surprising amount of promotion; using my anecdotal ads-on-subway test, it’s among the most promoted shows in the ABC line up.  Still, I think it’s not going to work, and I think, looking at that poster, you probably think that too.

The Trophy Wife – 9/24

The Wife Trophy

Malin Akerman, a reformed party girl, marries older Bradley Whitford, who already had multiple kids with two separate ex-wives who both don’t care for her.  How will she navigate the difficulties of step-kids, ex-wifes, and a husband who might still be under the thumb of either?  ABC will hope she handles it hilariously and like Akerman and Whitford, but this looks fairly generic.  If The Goldbergs seems to be getting the most promotion, ,this seems to be getting the least. Oscar winner Marcia Gay Harden plays one of the ex-wives..

Prediction: 12- A few shows always go out early.  It’s a talented cast but when in doubt, bet against shows which the networks don’t seem to be promoting very heavily.

Lucky 7 – 9/24

Lucky 8 - Unlucky 1

A group of seven workers at a Queens gas station win the lottery, and their lives change, and not just for the better, or we’d have a pretty uninteresting television show.  It’s based off a similar British show, as most TV shows are nowadays. While the trailer was largely unmemorable, it’s actually a new idea, at least in America, which in and of itself is always impressive coming from a network. The cast features largely lesser known actors and actresses and I’m not sure how true to life or overdramatic it will be from the trailer, but it has a chance at being good, which is more than I can say about many network shows after watching the trailers.

Predictions: 13+ – It’s a legitimately interesting idea that could be good or bad depending on well writing, directing, and acting, and so forth.  I’ll take the middle position in lieu of any additional information.

Back in the Game – 9/25

Maggie Lawson's back is in the game

Psych’s Maggie Lawson dumps her terrible husband and returns to her hometown with her son, and moves in with her crotchety father played by James Caan.  When no one else steps up, she, a former softball player, decides to coach her son’s little league team which consists of a bunch of outcast kids. Caan and her are a two part Walter Matthau from Bad News Bears, as she does the baseball coaching and he does the grumpy old man act. Television “that guy” Ben Koldyke plays what I believe is the antagonist rival baseball coach; he was Don in How I Met Your Mother and one of the leads in Work It – I hope for your sake, you’re not familiar with the latter.

Predictions: 13+ It seems fairly generic and inoffensive which maybe will coast it along to half a season, but no more. I like Maggie Lawson in Psych, for what that’s worth.

Betrayal – 9/29

What is this poster about?

A beautiful married photographer begins an affair with a married lawyer, which leads to particular amounts of trouble when they turn out to be on opposite sides of a murder case.  I’m not sure about the tone for this show either, whether it’s over-dramatically sopay like Revenge, or maybe more series and emotional. I have no idea what to make of this show, but the leads are Hannah Ware, whose most famous role was as Kelsey Grammar’s daughter on the little-seen but fantastically over-the-top Boss, and Stuart Townsend who was in Queen of the Damned and The League of Extraordinary Gentleman. James Cromwell also appears.

Prediction: 12- I have no idea what to make of this show.  I’m guessing, fairly arbitrarily, the public won’t either.

Super Fun Night – 10/2

Less Fun Day After

Rebel Wilson stars.  There’s a premise to the show, but that’s more or less all you need to know.  If you like her, there’s a good chance you’ll like the show, and if you don’t, well, you’ll probably hate it.  She stars as a young attorney who stays home with her friends every Friday night until she gets a promotion and a hot lawyer invites her out, and she invites her friends to come along and share the super fun times with her.  I’ve largely been in the anti-Rebel camp.  I’ll give the show a shot, because, well, I give all shows a shot, but I’m not hopeful from the trailer.

Prediction; 13+ – Rebel Wilson felt like she has had a TV show coming for some time. She definitely has a lot of fans but we’ll know in a few weeks exactly how many and how much they care.

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland – 10/10

Once Upon a Time: Miami

Although I frequently do my best to forget about the existence of Once Upon a Time, the fairy tale drama has become a decent sized hit, with its share of critical fans as well.  The true sign of success on network television is the development of a spin off, and Once Upon a Time is getting that as it enters its third season.  Wonderland actually looks a bit darker than the original, and, despite my better instincts based on my dislike of Once Upon a Time, I’m actually kind of intrigued.  There’ll be plenty of crossover though it seems like, and it’ll be fairly tied in with the original, which means I’ll be cynical until convinced otherwise.

Prediction: Renewal – It’s a smart move and it’s set up well to succeed.  I’m not sure it will work, and spin-off fatigue happens all the time, but I this is a smart attempt by ABC even if it doesn’t work.

Fall 2013 Previews and Predictions: NBC

13 Sep

NBC

(In order to meld the spirit of futile sports predictions with the high stakes world of the who-will-be-cancelled-first fall television season, I’ve set up a very simple system of predictions for how long new shows will last.  Each day, I’ll (I’m aware I switched between we and I) lay out a network’s new shows scheduled to debut in the fall (reality shows not included – I’m already going to fail miserably on scripted shows, I don’t need to tackle a whole other animal) with my prediction of which of three categories it will fall into.

These categories are:

1.  Renewal – show gets renewed

2.  13+ – the show gets thirteen or more episodes, but not renewed

3.  12- – the show is cancelled before 13)

NBC, surprisingly enough has been making slight progress over the last couple of years while people forgot to check on them because they were so far in the basement.  Their biggest new hit is reality show The Voice, but they’ll hope one of these new shows will bolster their line up.  Will they?  Let’s take a guess.

The Blacklist – 9/23

Spader is on The Blacklist

No network, aside from maybe, maybe ABC with Agents of Shield is pumping any new show this year as much as NBC is pumping The Black List.  James Spader seems perfectly cast a slimy mega-criminal who turns himself in for some mysterious reason to the government, agreeing to help them catch other mega-criminals in exchange for some sort of deal which includes that he only talks to one young female agent.  If it works, it could be the best CBS procedural in ages. In theory, he’ll help catch a new criminal every week while many a long term plot develops about why he turned himself in to begin with.

Prediction: Renewal – NBC, a network in need of a hit, has put all of its promotional muscle behind The Black List, and they claim viewers in focus groups loved it beyond belief.  Even if it’s not a huge hit, they’ll take it.

The Michael J. Fox Show – 9/26

Fox is The Michael J. Fox Show

Michael J. Fox portrays a legendary local news anchor who retires, like Fox himself, because of Parkinson’s disease, but then after driving his family and himself crazy in retirement, decides to make a return. Fox’s wife is played by Breaking Bad’s Betsy Brandt and his boss is played by The Wire’s Wendell Pierce.  Fox is a certified TV legend but the show does not look good. It doesn’t look historically bad, or worst sitcom of the year bad, it just looks generically mediocre, like a sitcom that should have existed two decades ago and not today.  It’s unfortunate because it’s hard to not root for Fox.

Prediction:  Renewal – after the Blacklist, I was almost arbitrarily deciding to pick a second NBC show for renewal, and when in doubt I go with the star power of Fox, who everyone loves, even if his show isn’t very good.

Ironside – 10/2

Underwood is Ironside

Blair Underwood will probably not channel original Ironside actor Raymond Burr too much in this remake of a ‘60s show about a detective in a wheelchair.  Ironside doesn’t play by the rules; he makes his own, and so on and so forth.  You will probably be able to watch five minutes of this show or less to realize exactly how it goes.  The superiors will be annoyed by Ironside now and then, as he’s tired of their conventional thinking and bureaucracy, but dammit, he’ll get results. The police procedural Ironside is yet another sign of NBC imitating CBS.

Prediction: 13+ – It looks pretty generic, which in this case, means I’ll take the middle ground, and go full season but not second.

Welcome to the Family – 10/3

O'Malley is Welcome to the Family

Every network has a limited amount of time and money for promotion, and every year, some shows, like The Blacklist, get promoted endlessly, while some shows, like Welcome to the Family, get more or less entirely ignored.  Mike O’Malley, who has grown on me over the years, plays the father of a recent high school graduate who gets knocked up by her high school boyfriend (a Latino, no less!), whose father O’Malley does not get along with.  The kids decide to make a go of it, meaning the families have to try to make a go of it as well.  Wacky hijinks ensue, with the potential for the occasional culture clash as a backdrop.

Prediction: 12- Maybe you’ve heard of some of these shows, but unless you pay really close attention you probably haven’t heard of this one, hence the lack of faith.

Sean Saves the World – 10/3

Hayes is Sean Saves the World

Sean Hayes juggles a judgmental mother, a teenage daughter, and a horrible boss, already before his life gets even more difficult when he gets full custody of his kid. Wacky Reno 911 actor Thomas Lennon plays his boss, while Linda Lavin plays his mom.  Was TV really missing Sean Hayes that badly? I would vastly prefer a show where Sean literally saves the world every episode; as it is, I expect very little.

Prediction: 12- – Sean Hayes doesn’t have the Michael J. Fox star power.  This show will probably be worse, and it’s definitely first to the chopping block fi they both do about the same, ratings-wise.

Dracula – 10/25

Rhys Meyers is Dracula

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who last starred on TV as an entirely different kind of historical figure in The Tudors, stars as Dracula, who comes to London to get his revenge for a multitude of betrayals from centuries earlier.  The creator of Carnivale will serve as showrunner which probably means the show will make no sense.  This is actually a British-American joint venture, and there will be only 10 episodes in the first season, so,I’m not going to predict it because it breaks the rules, and at least until enough network shows break the rules to come up with a better system, I’m going to leave this one out.  Still, it’s a show, so I feel at least compelled to provide a preview. This is definitely one of the very few network shows this year I don’t really have a read on.  I wouldn’t count on much from it, but it actually might be good, which is more than many network shows even have from the get go.

Fall 2013 Previews and Predictions: CBS

11 Sep

CBS

(In order to meld the spirit of futile sports predictions with the high stakes world of the who-will-be-cancelled-first fall television season, I’ve set up a very simple system of predictions for how long new shows will last.  Each day, I’ll (I’m aware I switched between we and I) lay out a network’s new shows scheduled to debut in the fall (reality shows not included – I’m already going to fail miserably on scripted shows, I don’t need to tackle a whole other animal) with my prediction of which of three categories it will fall into.

These categories are:

1.  Renewal – show gets renewed

2.  13+ – the show gets thirteen or more episodes, but not renewed

3.  12- – the show is cancelled before 13)

The most watched network is up next.  CBS is looking to churn out some more winners and keep its reign going.  Which will be hits and which will be misses?  I’ll take some guesses at what people who like things that I hate will watch.

Mom – 9/23

Maybe better than Dads

Chuck Lorre, the genius behind CBS megahits Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory tries to strike gold again for the eye with this sitcom starring talented-but-could-never-find-the-right-project Anna Faris and former The West Wing press secretary Allison Janney.  Faris plays a single mother battling alcoholism who moves in with her also recovering alcoholic mom in California.  It’s multi-camera, it’s got a laugh track along with everything that anyone who loves either of those other CBS shows will probably love for some reason. Breaking Bad’s Badger, Matt Jones, is in the cast, and I already feel like I will think he’s the best part of the first episode.

Prediction: Renewal – Faris should have had a TV show years ago, and as terrible as it’s probably going to be, it’s gotten a big promotional push and has the Lorre touch.

Hostages – 9/23

Hostages

TV superstar Dylan McDermott plays an FBI agent who kidnaps the family of a doctor, played by Toni Collette, to force her to assassinate the president when she does surgery on him later that week.  Hostages carries the action bona fides of executive producer Jerry Bruckheimer.  It looks intense and I have absolutely no idea how they’ll make a second season, unless they anticlimactically stretch everything out for way too long.  It might be better than a typical CBS show, which is damning it with faint praise, but still, at least it’s not a procedural, which is a huge step for CBS.

Prediction: Renewal – if I made longer term predictions I’d guess this will go two seasons, like Smith, drawing some initial viewers and gradually fading away as the buzz falls away. Just put me down for renewal though, for now.

The Crazy Ones – 9/26

Robin Williams is The Crazy Ones

Robin Williams is back on TV, being Robin Williams-y to the extreme.  He plays the wacky father to Sarah Michelle Gellar’s sensible daughter, and the two are partners at an advertising agency that bears their names.  Mad Men this is not.  It’s hard to remember a time when Williams was funny, or maybe I only found him funny because I was younger and my tastes have changed.  Either way, if Williams could play his far superior creepy One Hour Photo dramatic self, a Williams-led TV show could be fun, but as he won’t, it most certainly will not be.

Prediction: 13+ – Williams is still a big name, even though so much time has passed since his movies made any money, or even since he headlined movies. Big enough for a full season pick up, but not a renewal, ratings will disappoint, but CBS will play the season through out of hope.

We Are Men – 9/30

They Are Men

TV vets Kal Penn, Tony Shalhoub, and Jerry O’Connell play veteran singles who show relative TV newcomer Chris Smith the ropes when his fiancé dumps him at the alter and he moves into a singles-friendly rental complex.  It may be another men-learning-how-to-be-men show, which we seem to get two or three of every year, but whether it is or isn’t, it looks terrible. Did Kal Penn really leave the Obama administration for this? And Tony Shalhoub, I’m not proud of you either.

Prediction: 12- As always, some people will watch it because older peoples’ TVs only get CBS, but the standards are also higher (ratings-wise, not quality-wise) and this show will not meet them.  CBS shows do fail.  Who remembers last year’s Partners?

The Millers – 10/3

We're the Millers - the TV adaptation

I believe I noted in an earlier post that Will Arnett, if The Millers fails  (which I, spoiler alert, believe it will) will have the unenviable achievement of having starred in failed sitcoms on three of the four major networks (Running Wilde on Fox and Up All Night on NBC).  Networks see him as a leading man rather than the wonderful wacky side character he played in his breakout performance in Arrested Development ,but he hasn’t delivered yet.  Arnett plays a recently divorced man whose world is turned upside down when his dad decides to leave his mom, ending a four decade marriage. This show, which, and I know this sounds like a refrain on this CBS page, but it’s still true, looks terrible, It also has more wasted talent than Arnett, with Emmy winner Margo Martindale, Beau Bridges, Curb Your Enthusiasm funnyman JB Smoove and Glee’s Jayma Mays.

Prediction: 12- Arnett’s presence would almost be enough for me to pick cancellation in and of itself (Yes, I know Up All Night technically went two seasons, but that’s a fluke at best) but the show selling itself in the trailer on a Martindale fart joke, well, that sealed the deal.

Fall 2013 Previews and Predictions: Fox

9 Sep

Fox

(In order to meld the spirit of futile sports predictions with the high stakes world of the who-will-be-cancelled-first fall television season, I’ve set up a very simple system of predictions for how long new shows will last.  Each day, I’ll (I’m aware I switched between we and I) lay out a network’s new shows scheduled to debut in the fall (reality shows not included – I’m already going to fail miserably on scripted shows, I don’t need to tackle a whole other animal) with my prediction of which of three categories it will fall into.

These categories are:

1.  Renewal – show gets renewed

2.  13+ – the show gets thirteen or more episodes, but not renewed

3.  12- – the show is cancelled before 13)

Fox is the first of the networks to debut fall shows, and thus they’ll be the first up for previews and predictions.  Fox has my most anticipated fall comedy, the fall comedy the looks the worst, and two dramas that are somewhere in between.

Sleepy Hollow – 9/16

Sleepy Hollow

You know the legend.  You’ve maybe seen the ‘90s Tim Burton movie of the same name.  This time, the story is updated to take place in modern times. Protagonist Ichabod Crane and antagonist the Headless Horseman both mysteriously travel forward in time from the late 18th century to current day Westchester, New York.  The Headless Horseman becomes a modern day serial killer and Ichabod and local police officer Abbie Mills must team up to stop him.  Of course, matters grow orders of magnitude more epic when it turns out the Horseman may be part of a much deeper thousands of year old occult group which could lead to evil taking over the earth, or something.  It looks neither particularly good nor particularly bad.

Prediction:  13+ – I don’t know.  It doesn’t feel like a hit but it doesn’t feel like a crazy obvious flop either.  Split the difference.

Almost Human – 11/4

Almost Human

In the future, like the future, future, humans cops are partnered with robots to get the best out of both of them; precision from machines, and gut reactions from humans.  One old-school detective, played by Karl Urban of Star Trek fame (and unrelated to Keith) does not play well with robot others.  His superiors have an idea.  They pair him, instead of with the normal robot detective model, with a discontinued model that feels feelings.  They think, that while that old model had disadvantages, old school detective Kennex can bring something out of it. It doesn’t look particularly interesting but we were more than overdue for a police procedural set in the future.

Prediction: 13+ – I feel the same way I feel about Sleepy Hollow, it hardly screams hit, but it doesn’t scream obvious instant failure either.

Dads – 9/17

Dads

Two thirty-something successful video game something or others have their life turned upside down when their fathers move in with them.  Seth Green and Giovanni Ribisi are the sons, Martin Mull and Peter Riegert are the respective fathers.  Brenda Song is their assistant, Vanessa Lachey (ne Minillo) is Ribisi’s wife).  Seth MacFarlane produces; the creators are two Family Guy writers.  It’s so bad and racist and offensive and downright unfunny that I briefly considered whether it was a genius bit of anit-humor.  It’s not though.

Predi tion: 12-  This preview looked truly awful.  Like, awful, awful, awful.   If this succeeds, well, I’m not going to say I’ll stop writing, because I won’t, but I’ll want to.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – 9/17

Brooklyn Nine Nine

Andy Samberg tries to get the Amy Poehler treatment as the creators of Parks & Recreation bring us this show about an immature but talented detective who must deal with a new straight-laced captain, played by new-to-comedy TV-legend Andre Braugher. Andy Samberg, .like Amy Poehler has been the wacky side character struggling to have the gravitas to play the lead, and if the magic applied to Amy Poheler can work on Samberg this could be a very funny show.

Prediction: Renewal – I could be wrong but this looks like the most promising new comedy of the season.  If it can be half of what Parks & Recreation is, I think Fox will give it at least one more season.

Snap Judgments: ABC Upfronts

22 May

I thought Fox had a lot of upfront trailers and it did, but ABC blows it out of the water.  There’s 12. so this is kind of an epic preview but I arbitrarily decided not to break it up.  Honestly, there’s virtually no difference in quality from about 5-12, and I’d make it a virtually tie if I could, but that’s no fun.  None of them looks like anything I’d want to watch, but there’s nothing quite Dads-level cringeworthy either; it’s still a slight cut above CBS as well.  Dramas, as always get the edge, simply because dramas, as a general rule, never look as bad as comedies in trailers or first episodes.  The arbitrary rankings differences basically come down to how much I like this or that cast member. So, loads of forgettable shows, but as a teaser, there’s actually one show I definitively want to watch coming up at the end, so something to look forward to.

12.  Mixology

I hate the name.   It’s actually a decently clever pun on high end cocktails which are currently trendy and people getting together but I still don’t like it.  Anyway, Mixology is super high concept, probably more so than any new show, and especially noteworthy for a comedy.  Ten single people, one night, at a bar, trying to hook up.  For a whole season.  How is that going to last?  I have no idea.  I doubt it’s going to work, I’m not sure it can work, and it certainly doesn’t  seem like it will, but I kind of appreciate the balls of attempting it.  I don’t like the song that plays during the trailer.  The people mostly seem obnoxious and cliche, and honestly it’s not only probably not going to be very good but I would guess cancelled within six weeks.  That said, keep trying high concepts people!

11.Super Fun Night

It’s the Rebel Wilson show.  There you go, to start.  The premise seems to be that three friends, Wilson being the leader, haven’t either had sex, or at least much sex, and are looking to put their inhibitions away and get it going on.  Really though, it’s largely at least about how much you like Rebel Wilson.  A lot of people in the comedy world think Rebel Wilson is a riotous talent.  I mostly don’t really get it.  I don’t think she’s entirely untalented by any means, and I thought she did a pretty good job in Pitch Perfect.  That said, her comedy is just so over the top; there’s no subtlety, and while it’s certainly cool that there are comedic actresses who aren’t, let’s say, the traditional size of actresses, not every joke or gag Wilson makes has to be about her size, which is sometimes to me how Rebel Wilson comes off.

10. Back in the Game

It’s always great when the trailer has the main character delivering the premise, in forced exposition, to another character, rather than having to have a narrator do it.  Terry (Psych’s Maggie Lawson)  just moved from Michigan, having lost everything in a messy divorce, and she’s living with her father who crippled her emotionally growing up.  Due to a bunch of unfortunate circumstances (well, her son wants to play little league to impress a girl, but he’s not good enough to get on the team, so some folks start their own team, and they don’t have a coach), Terry must coach her child and a group of misfit kids in Little League.  James Caan players her emotionally distant old-school father.

9.  Killer Woman

We’re in cop show self-parody city here.  BSG’s Tricia Helfer is Molly Parker, a Texas Ranger who does things her own way, a lone wolf on a largely male force.  And don’t take my word for it.  As the trailer’s narrator says, “She follows the law, but not the rules.”  Really?  Come on.  Seriously?  She fights for justice.  She doesn’t damn care that there’s very little chance of making it out alive, or that they might all die in Mexico, or that if she’s wrong she’ll lose her job.  There’s lots of violence and sex and superiors telling her what she can’t do and she telling them what she can. It’s not good.  I considered moving it to the bottom, but dramas just can’t be as bad as comedies, because rather than not being funny, there’ll just be a bunch of guns shooting bad guys, and that can only be so bad.

8. Resurrection

Finally, our first supernatural show. Unlike the supernatural show coming up on this list, which seems at least somewhat dark, Resurrection seems uplifting and heartwarming, kind of Touch-y.  A boy who went missing thirty years ago shows up as the same age he was when he went missing, and we have to try to figure out how in the hell this happened since it’s not, you know, physically possible.  This sounds more like a movie than a show to me, as I’m not sure where they go with this for a full season.  It’s feel-good and that’s cool and all but it seems a little too fate-y for my liking; the trailer lets me know it will make me question EVERYTHING I believe!  I’m not sure I’m ready to do that.

7.  Betrayal

At first I thought it was going to be soapy, but by the two minute mark, it looked more weepy.  It seems very Nicolas Sparks-y.  A married female photographer has an affair with a perfect seeming man, then guilt and/or conflict lead to complications.  They seeming having something magical, but it could all come tumbling down.  Since it’s called Betrayal, I kept waiting for it to go action-y or creepy Fatal Attraction or A Perfect Murder-style, but it just seems like a serious show about romance and love and I guess betrayal.  More than most shows, this really isn’t for me, straight from the get go, so I’m hesitant to judge it too well or too harshly.  This group of shows is all about the same grade, as mentioned above, so this is just stuck in the middle and I bumped it ahead of Resurrection at the last second.

6. Trophy Wife

The Trophy Wife trailer is mercifully short but not particularly promising.  A stacked cast it has, with Bradley Whitford as a serial marrier now on his third and significantly younger wife, played by Malin Akerman.  Akerman has to contend with two of Bradley’s exes, played by Marcia Gay Harden and Michaela Watkins, each of whom have kids with Whitford.  Dysfunctional families, angry exes, Akerman doing silly things to try to fit in and gain the respect of the kids and their mothers.  This is primarily here because I didn’t want to put all the dramas in a row and I like several of the cast members.  It doesn’t look very funny, though.

5. The Goldbergs

This sounds exactly like the beginning of the trailer to Chris Meloni’s ‘sitcom set in the ’90s, Surviving Jack, except set in the ’80s.  They didn’t have the internet or twitter or Kimye!  They had all the culture you remember and love, like Alf and Wang Chung, and REO Speedwagon which comes up twice, including a extended scene of Jeff Garlin singing along to “Can’t Fight this Feeling.” Patton Oswalt is the narrator, telling the tale of his childhood from our present and starring Garlin as an old-school ’80s dad.  Oswalt’s narrator is the youngest of three and his special gimmick is that he captured the family on that new ’80s technology, video tape.  Garlin’s angry dad Murray is quite the character, dispensing tough love to his kids, and never knowing how to actually tell them how he really feels. There’s plenty of ’80s period music, but it’s a little obvious for my preference.  They trailer is at least 2 minutes longer than it should be. I like the people, but I hate the concept.  I’m sorry Patton and Jeff, but it looks terrible, and the only reason it’s this high is because of the involvement of those two.

4. Mind games

Christian Slater is in the Kyle Bornheimer/Will Arnett group of actors constantly starring in failed shows, having starred in and failed in Breaking In, My Own Worst Enemy, and The Forgotten in recent years.  Steve Zahn and Christian Slater play a pair of quirky brothers, one bipolar, one an ex-con, who try to use their particular sets of skills to change people’s minds through manipulation.  From Steve Zahn’s explanation of their activity halfway through the trailer, it sounds like this is a humorous USA version of Inception, except they implant the ideas externally rather than inside people’s brains.  Again – how is this not on USA?  It’s got two characters who are great at what they do, but have personal problems, and they’re very much capital C characters.  In fact, it seems like I’d like it about as much as most USA shows.  It’ll be fun, light, fairly enjoyable, but not particularly interesting and could get old after seeing a couple of seasons of the same thing.  Still, that’s easily good enough for the fourth spot.

3.  Lucky 7

6 lucky misfit co-workers, all poor and down on their luck and scrimping and saving every penny to get through the day, win the lottery.  One seemingly smart co-worker who saved his money instead of putting it in the lottery pool apparently doesn’t (sending a terrible message that it’s advisable to spend money on the lottery).  Drama ensues.  It’s pretty non-descript and I doubt it will be good because it’s a network TV show but it’s actually not a bad idea for a show, and while it doesn’t look particularly good, it doesn’t look particularly bad either.  There’s potentially something here, and there’s several routes the show could depending on what tone they’re going for, but I’m guessing middle of the road drama.

2. Once Upon a Time in Wonderland

Once Upon a Time is one of a few network dramas that other cool people like that I don’t (also: The Good Wife, Scandal).  Because of that, ,I  have very little confidence in this show going forward because of its connection to the original.  That said, it would also be unfair not to note that, judging from the trailer, it looks significantly darker and better potentially than the original.  The concept, in which it seems like Alice is being held in a psychiatric facility because her father believes she’s insane, due to her stories about seeing and meeting supernatural places and people, is actually a pretty great one. I have a hard time believing that people who make one show I don’t like much would spin off a show that I like a lot better, but based on the trailer this belongs here.

1.  Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Dare I say I’m actually excited about a show?  It feels weird to be writing a nearly entirely positive review of a trailer, but that’s what happens when Joss Whedon is involved.  I’m a full fledged Whedon-ite, and while it doesn’t mean that everything he touches will be exemplary, it certainly improves the chances greatly.  It looks good, it’s got some patented Whedon dialogue and humor, which always lightens the earnestness and self-seriousness often present when superheroes are involved.  I could go on, but it’s been a long entry and I don’t want to ruin a clear cut number one.  I’m in.

Snap Judgments: Fox Upfronts

17 May

We’re ranking each network’s upfronts.  NBC was first, with a longer intro, because it was first, and CBS came next.  Now it’s Fox’s turn.  There are the most yet here, nine shows, to rank, and I would say, on the whole, the quality is better than NBC and CBS.  There might even be one show here I’ll end up watching.  Not to worry though, there’s plenty of bad and even more mediocre to look forward to. Let’s get on with it.

9.  Dads

Oof.  Seth MacFarlane has his issues, but he has to be better than this.  My friend and I are almost convinced this must be some sort of brilliant anti-comedy, because, I mean, come on.  Family Guy may be many things, but it’s at least occasionally funny even in the lesser episodes.  The racism in this trailer is pretty bad.  Real bad.  But beyond that it’s just mind-blowingly unfunny and cringeworthy.  The scene where the two dads go back and forth over the bill at the restaurant may be the worst, or where the Chinese businessmen snap photos of Brenda Song dressed like a Japanese schoolgirl.  There’s so many to choose from.  Yikes!

8. Us & Them

I don’t know enough about British TV series Gavin & Stacey to know that this was a remake, but it is, so there’s that (I keep wanting to type Ned and Stacy, the old Debra Messing show).  Jason Ritter and Alexis Bledel are apparently online contacts forming a long-distance romance who finally meet in person in New York, hoping to find love and happiness and all that, but with the drag of their craaaazy friends and family.  Yet, even through all the obstacles, love seems to prevail.  These obstacles, in the form of their friends and family, are supposed to be hilarious but are really more hard to watch in the trailer.  A boy and girl, each with crazy families, falling in love, is not exactly the most original idea, and it can be funny but it’s certainly not looking great here.  Jane Kaczmarek is RItter’s mom, and character actor Kurt Fuller portrays his dad.

7. Surviving Jack

Surviving Jack is yet  another sign of the coming of the long-awaited ’90s revival.  Taking place in 1991, Christopher Meloni plays a man who, when his wife returns to law school, is placed in the role of full time parent to his teenage son and daughter for the first time.  Hijinks ensue.  He doesn’t really know how to deal with kids, resulting in some awkward moments, such as putting a box of condoms in his son’s bag on the first day of high school.  Oops. He loves his kids but he just doesn’t know how to relate. I love Chris Meloni, don’t get me wrong, and I’m sure he’ll do his best, but hopefully it’s better than this.  Period music can only take a show so far.

6. Almost Human

Amazing.  Kind of.  A human cop with a robot partner.  Of course, he doesn’t trust robots, because in his personal past, a robot, making a Spock-like logical decision, chose to save others with a better chance of surviving rather than save the cop’s partner.  In order to get back on the force, because he’s a crazy and depressed and special cop, he must take a robot partner, which are mandatory now.  However, when he sabotages the current model, he gets one of the past discontinued robot cops that were taught to think and feel like humans instead of robots.  Can their partnership work?  Can they both learn a little bit from each other? Can they save the city of the future?  Only time will tell.

5. Enlisted

Geoff Stults (of starring in the cancelled Finder, and appearing in a few Ben and Kates fame) stars as a military officer who returns from Afghanistan to a military base where he’s in charge of a group of losers and misfits, two of his are his brothers.  The trailer is a little disjointed – the main topic of the first half of the trailer is the family aspect of three misfit brothers surviving in the military, but the familial aspect is seemingly forgotten about in the second half in favor of Stults leading his group, as if the show changed premises mid-trailer. It reminds me of the premise of Go On, someone a little less misfit-y leads a band of misfits he has to relate to. The jokes are a little bit obvious and not particularly well-crafted, but I kind of like Stults, and I can imagine a world in which, if the jokes were better, this show could be not entirely awful.  To be fair, when you lead with, if the jokes were better, you can say that about almost any show.

4. Gang Related

Gang shows always seem to take place in Los Angeles (or at least California), and there’s always different ethnicities and races battling and beefing for turf.  I think the premise, though this is not explicitly spelled out, but based on the trailer and the title, is that some members of this elite gang task force have familial relationships with members of the city’s gangs, and that these relationships pose both a challenge and potential benefit for the task force members.  The trailer notes it’s from someone behind The Fast and the Furious and that makes a lot of sense based on the quick look, as it’s all style, cops tough guy interviewing gang members, talking about cocaine shipments and getting ready to do action-y things. It probably won’t be great, but may at least be watchable.

3. Sleepy Hollow

A modern day Sleepy Hollow.  Ichabod Crane goes to sleep and wakes up in the present day, and is shocked by things like cars, the end of slavery, and Starbucks.  Unfortunately, it looks like his great nemesis, the headless horsemen has returned to Westchester as well, and is wreaking havoc, committing murders all over the neighborhood.  The stakes get raised halfway through the trailer when we learn that the headless horseman is in fact, one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse (pestilence, maybe?), and his resurrection could have dangerous consequences for not just Dobbs Ferry, but for the entire world.    This conspiracy dates back to none other than George Washington, and the show has a little Da Vinci code in it, finding secret symbols and signs all over old documents.  I don’t see how you can keep this up for a whole season, or multiple seasons, and it seems too over the top, but the trailer was mostly watchable.

2. Rake

Rake, or Lawyer House as I call him, doesn’t do things that way you’re supposed to.  His personal life, the trailer quickly lets us know, is a mess, between gambling debt, alimony payments, and an ex-girlfriend who tried to stab him (and may be out to stab him again).  The one thing he does have, is that, House-like, he’s better at his job than anybody else.  This job is being a defense lawyer, and the big case that will save him in this instance is defending a cannibal (Denis O’Hare) who doesn’t deny having eaten someone.  I’m not sure if this is just an example of the type of case he’ll be taking every episode, or whether this will be a big multiple episode case, but either way, he’ll take the cases no one else wants, because he can and because he has to, and trying to use his professional success to get a handle on his personal misery.  It’s cliche all the way, but Kinner is good, and House was pretty good for some time even though it was largely cliche.

1.  Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I wanted to in general laud Fox for better trailers than CBS, in terms of getting less cute with the format, and this one is a particularly classic trailer, without any voice overs whatsoever, no interviews with cast members talking about how innovative the show is, or how every cast member cracks every other cast member ups.  After watching a ton of these trailers, I really appreciate that.  It’s from Michael Schur, Parks and Recreation creator, and stars Andy Samberg as a cop who, as described in probably the worst line of the trailer, is great at everything except growing up.  Still, it’s got pedigree. The trailer is hit or miss, but occasionally funny, which is already more than most, and it stars, in addition to Samberg, Andre Braugher as his new hard-nosed captain, as well as Terry Crews, Chelsea Peretti, and Joe Lo Truglio.   No one is more suited to turn Samberg into a network star than the people who did it for Amy Poehler.  I’m actually minorly excited about the show!

Snap Judgments: CBS Upfronts

15 May

We’re ranking the shows at each of the upfronts here.  CBS is next, check here for NBC and a fuller intro.  Watching a new TV show is like meeting a new person.  You usually know within the first minute whether you’re going to like them or not.  Maybe 20% of the time, they deserve a second look, or you just get a misleadingly awful first impression, but that’s the exception.  These were actually all fairly close to one another, and I doubt I’ll be watching a second episode of any of them, but so it goes.

6.  The Crazy Ones

Star power is left and right in The Crazy Ones with Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar starring as father/daughter advertising executives in this comedy from David E. Kelley.  Mad Man this is not.  It’s really hard for Robin Williams not to be a caricature of himself (at least without going dark, a la One Hour Photo), and he doesn’t really break out of it here.  If you like Robin Williams, you’ll probably love it.  If you don’t think Robin Williams has been particularly funny since at least the Mrs. Doubtfire/Aladdin early ’90s twosome (again giving leeway for his surprisingly awesome dramatic takes), well, you pretty much know what you’re in for here.  Also, Kelly Clarkson’s in the pilot, though that’s neither here nor there I suppose.  A lot of interviewing people in the trailer talking about how funny and what a legend Robin Williams is.  Williams is already on my nerves within 3 minutes.

5.  We Are Men

I’m not going to lie.  I already have a negative opinion of this before I even started based on the title.  It’s about four divorced dudes who live at a kind of singles apartment complex together, navigating the post-divorce waters.  I would have guessed it was airing on TBS as kind of a ten years later to Men at Work if it wasn’t already on CBS.  They all help each score with the ladies, while being men together and bromancing it up.  The recurring joke in the trailer is about how none of them know any of the other members of the cast and all think they’re the star.  Hilarious.  I forgot, you can’t necessarily tell that’s sarcasm in writing.  They are indeed men.

4.  Mom

Laugh track alert!  It’s a Chuck Lorre special starring Anna Faris and Alison Janney as daughter-mother recovering alcoholics. The two of them try to keep it together for the benefit of Faris’ teen daughter and younger son.  Badger from Breaking Bad shows up for a second, which is cool and Nate Corddry and French Stewart play Faris’ coworkers at a high end restaurant.  I suppose it looks better than some other Chuck Lorre comedies (e.g. Two and a Half Men), though that’s an extremely relative statement.  This is a CBS overview, so it’s not like I’m likely to actually enjoy any of these shows.  Some of these cast members have merit and that’s more or less as far as I’m willing to go.

3.  Intelligence


Josh Holloway (aka Sawyer from Lost) is a superhero CIA agent who enhances his awesome fighting and stealth skills with a microchip implanted in him, which allows to control all sorts of electronic shit.  He can scan things and do research and open doors and so forth.  Marg Helgenberger (CSI) who appears in the show as some sort of higher ranking agent describes it as James Bond meets Frankenstein meets Mission Impossible. Certainly no examples of hyperbole here. It’s like Person of Interest, except endorsed by the government and with superpowers.  Dramas have an inherent ranking advantage here, as even mediocre dramas are unlikely, on average, to be as bad as awful comedies.

2.  The Millers

Kids cursing is always a high brow way to start off a trailer. Will Arnett gets yet another comedy pilot (Running Wilde, Up All Night) with an absolutely loaded cast (Note:  Arnett has gotten pilots from Fox, NBC, and now CBS – he’s an ABC pilot away from all four networks).  Margo Martindale and Beau Bridges are Ma and Pa, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Waitress Mary Elizabeth Ellis is his sis (though some research tells me she’s no longer in the cast), and  JB Smoove is his coworker (cameraman, Arnett is a reporter).  The laugh track is again out in full force.  I think the laughs were louder than the words in the most dramatic scene from the trailer when, inspired by Arnett’s recent divorce, Bridges leaves Martindale, and talks about masterbating and their lack of sex, disgusting their son.  Dysfunctional families who really love each other and all that.  The cast is good but the show probably won’t be.  Still, good enough for second here.

1.  Hostages

There is absolutely no fucking around with the CBS drama pilots this year. Both mention the president within 30 seconds. In Hostages, top surgeon Toni Collette is supposed to operate on the president, until she’s and her family are taken hostage by Dylan McDermott.  McDermott demands that she kill the president during the surgery or her family (including husband Tate Donovan) will all be killed.  I have no idea what the time span is for the show; whether one season leads up to the surgery, or far afterwards, and where the show goes for multiple seasons if it gets there, but I at least respect the super high concept premise.  I find it doubtful it will actually be good, but at least it’s trying though, and that’s something.  The top position is a very relative term in a CBS upfronts ranking, but someone has to take it.

 

Snap Judgements: NBC Upfronts

13 May

I’ve made a mini-tradition of previewing and predicting the success of new fall shows towards the end of summer and beginning of fall, and I plan on continuing that, but I’m adding an even earlier take on new shows which have clips available, where I’ll look solely at the previews provided by the networks at the upfronts (fancy TV talk for place where they show off their upcoming schedule and shows) and provide some quick thoughts.  Because I’m a born pessimist, I’ll be ranking the shows to provide at least some relative positivism.  Hint:  If your show has a laugh track, it’s probably towards the bottom.

First, we’ll take a look at the mostly CBS-ification and occasional ABC-ification of NBC’s new programming.  Follow along.

6.  Sean Saves the World

Sean Hayes is a single gay dad who has to juggle work, parenting (he quite literally says “parenting” at least twice in the trailer), and his overbearing mother.  Life is rough!  He gets into zany situations trying to get home early from his hilariously brutal boss!  There’s a laugh track!  Only points are for use of Capital Cities’ Safe and Sound in the second half.

5. Ironside


Remake city! Ironside (presumably how the main character is referred to, I don’t think anyone calls him that in the trailer that I can recall) is Blair Underwood as a cop in a wheelchair who sees things differently (from his lower perspective, of course)!  Ironside is based on a late-60s and early-70s show starring Raymond Burr as a paralyzed cop.  My problem is not the fact that it’s a remake though.  I mean, boy, you know The Blacklist is nothing new, but this just hits every fucking cop show convention pitch perfectly.  He plays by his own rules, he has his own special unit to get the serious business done, and sometimes he doesn’t follow every regulation in the name of justice.  It’s in danger of being one Blair Underwood away from veering into parody.

4. The Michael J. Fox Show


Of course I like Michael J. Fox.  He seems impossible not to like.  That said, this show is far more on the traditional end of sitcoms than what normally interests me.  There’s no laugh track.  But there’s really nothing at all funny in the trailer.  It’s not insufferable like Sean Saves the World but the jokes just do not fly.  I watched it actually a second time and there must be 25 lines designed for potential laughs in the trailer and none of them work.  Points for featuring Wendell Pierce of The Wire, though, and just a note that his wife is Marie from Breaking Bad, Betsy Brandt.

3.  Dracula


Are we not done with vampires yet? True Blood and Twilight have pretty much helped eliminate all the good will for the mythical beasts in pop culture generated by Buffy by now. Anyway, I have no idea what this show is about still after watching the trailer, and me not knowing is pretty much by itself elevating it to the third spot, which may say something about the early look at NBC’s line up.  I think maybe one vampire decides to violate other vampire’s codes and somehow gets into a battle with them.  I don’t really have hope, but maybe I’m confused and everything about it is a lot more interesting.

2.  Welcome to the Family


Mike O’Malley, who is gearing up his resume for Zeljko Ivanek Hall of Fame consideration, plays a dad who is excited to have his daughter, who just graduated high school, off to college, so he can finally get some empty nest him-time with his wife.  Unfortunately, his plans, like the best of them, go awry, when it turns out his daughter his been knocked up by another high schooler, with a dad who shares a mutual enmity with O’Malley.  This is going to be awkward.  It’s a clear Modern Family clone, and looks, well, like Modern Family.

1.  The Blacklist


Hey, production value counts here.  It’s a CBS/TNT-esque darker version of White Collar starring James Spader as a dangerous criminal who works with the FBI to put other criminals away, but he’s a lot less likable, it seems than Neal from the USA show.  The banter remains though and Spader remains as deliciously slimy as ever.  As this appears procedural, I highly doubt I will ever watch more than one episode but I’m sure it’ll give me something for my dad to watch and me to ask him about for the next couple of years.