Television, the Drug of the Nation

Grantland has made an art out of handing out a proverbial wrestling-style “Championship Belt” over time in several fields – they’ve done it for quarterbacks, NFL defenses, and even American rock bands. The idea is that at any given point in time only one QB or defense or band can hold the championship belt, and the belt is up for grabs anew every year.

Where no one has yet to take this concept, at least as far as the cursory Google searches I’ve made have shown, is to the world of pop music. So here we go.

The goal here is to crown the objectively biggest pop star in the US at any given point in time. In theory, if you were to ask a large number of pop music-attuned people in a given year, this should be the person who would receive the most votes.

Here are a few ground rules:

1. Solo artist, duo, group, it doesn’t matter; they’re all equally eligible.

2. Charts matter – this is, after all, ultimately a popularity contest, and the charts are the single biggest way to establish popularity, especially when I’m picking between artists in years before I have personal experience. While the artist doesn’t need to have topped the charts in the calendar year, it helps, and it’s virtually impossible to hold the belt without at least a couple of top five hits.

3. History and reputation matters – we’re trying to answer the question of who would be identified as the biggest pop star in the country at any given time, so even artists who have mammoth rookie years are unlikely (though certainly not unable) to be considered the biggest without some semblance of longevity. For example, even though Iggy Azalea may have had the biggest year in pop music in 2014, no one would consider her the biggest pop star in the country, and the fact she has just a year of success is a significant part of that.

4. Critics don’t matter – This is a commercial list; critics only matter in as much as they contribute to the aura and reputation that might translate indirectly into popularity.

5. The belt changes hands every calendar year. This is an entirely arbitrary decision, as music doesn’t work seasonally like sports, but we need to make an arbitrary cut off somewhere, because a month-by-month review would at least double this already ridiculously long piece. This does unfortunately screw over some artists who might have ruled over some summer-to-summer periods, and I’ll try to note a few, but them’s the breaks.

6. We start at 1956. 1955 is traditionally considered the dawn of the rock era, but to be frank, I had no idea what to do with that year so I just started with the much more obvious belt year of 1956.

Some years were blindingly obvious, some years were incredibly tough and resulted in me virtually tossing a coin in my head. Especially in the earlier years it’s possible I’ve erred particularly with hindsight bias, being more likely to give the belt to the artist that seems bigger in retrospect, relative to what it may have been like at the time, but I do my best. I’ll include a shortlist of contenders for each year, to provide a ready-made platform for anyone who wants to argue with my choices.

Let’s begin.

1956-61:

Elvis Presley

As I mentioned above, 1956, the first year Elvis appeared, was one of the easiest years in this entire exercise. Elvis, in these early pre-British Invasion years, was a dominant chart presence, with 12#1s and 27 top tens through 1961. He was so big that the army couldn’t even stop him; during his stint from 1958-60, he had ten top 40 hits. Presley had faded significantly from the sheer mania of his first years by the end of this run, but in this era there weren’t a lot of dominant players, and fewer who lasted more than a year or two before burning out. No one stepped up and took the belt from him while he got weaker.

Contenders: Frankie Avalon for a brief spell in 1959 was on top of the world; he had the looks and hit singles “Why” and “Venus.” Chubby Checker – the Twist really was that big of a deal, so big that its sequel was massive; imagine the Macarena spawning a sequel which then also hit the top 10.

1962-63:

The Four Seasons

After years of struggling towards success, The Four Seasons broke out in a big way in 1962, and over the course of a year, sent three consecutive singles skyrocketing to the top of their charts, “Sherry,” “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” and “Walk Like a Man,” (omitting their holiday cover of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”) along with #3 hit “Candy Girl” for good measure.

Contenders: Elvis Presley was still charting hits, and though he had fallen from the stratosphere, his reputation could easily have been strong enough to carry him here; it’s hard to evaluate from this distance. The Beach Boys had a huge 1962.

1964-65:

The Beatles

The Beatles absolutely owned 1964, with four #1s, which would be enough in and of itself, but they threw in a couple of number twos, a number three, and a bunch of lesser hits, as they just spewed hits at a rate not seen before or since. They outdid themselves in 1965. Five #1s. The cool, critical, and still mega-popular albums were still to come, but this is as big as they ever were chart-wise.

Contenders: The Supremes were the only other act within shouting distance, with a crazy seven #1s of their own, representing Motown, the other strand of popular music to rise alongside the British Invasion. Herman’s Hermits were well too in the Beatles’ shadow to be serious contenders, but they had a strikingly big year with a couple of #1s and five additional top 10 hits. The Rolling Stones were probably the second biggest band in America, churning out many hits, and were also defined partially by their reputation as the anti-Beatles.

1966-67:

The Monkees

At first, I had The Beatles maintaining their hold on the belt during these two years, but after some reading and thinking, I gave The Monkees their due. It’s hard to imagine, as someone who wasn’t there, The Monkees being bigger than the Beatles, but in 1967 The Monkees outsold The Beatles, who had stopped touring, and The Rolling Stones combined. They had an astonishing four albums reach the top of the charts in a little over a year, and topped the singles charts with “Last Train to Clarksville,” “I’m a Believer,” and “Daydream Believer.”

Contenders: The Beatles. They were still, well, The Beatles, and they still pumped out a bunch of hits.

1968-70:

The Beatles

The Monkees were proven a fad, collapsing in 1968, and The Beatles merely took their title back by default, in a span where “Hello Goodbye,” “Hey Jude,” “Get Back,” “Come Together,” “Let It Be,” and “The Long and Winding Road” were chart-toppers. The Beatles put out a #1 album each year with the White Album, Abbey Road, and Let It Be.

Contenders: The Jackson Five killed it in 1970 with four #1s. If not for the Beatles coming apart, they would have stolen the day.

1971:

The Jackson 5

The Beatles are gone, throwing the belt to the ground as they walk off into the sunset. The pop-sphere is plunged into darkness and we’re in one of our most difficult eras to crown champions. This is already a bit of a legacy pick. As mentioned above, The Jackson 5 actually killed it in 1970, with four #1s, which would have put them at the top just about any other year. The Jackson 5 didn’t have nearly as good a year in 1971, with a couple of #2s and a couple of lesser hits, but 1971 was a barren year dominated by absolutely no one, giving the Jacksons, who had replaced the Supremes as the biggest Motown act, a chance to shine.

Contenders: The Carpenters. Only in the ‘70s could a group as utterly mild as The Carpenters rise to the top, but the Carpenters had three top three hits following up a strong 1970. Three Dog Night had four top 10 hits including the biggest song of the year, “Joy to the World” but it’s hard to imagine them being considered that highly. Marvin Gaye had three top 10 hits off the monumental What’s Going On.

1972:

The Carpenters

The single most barren year in this entire exercise, 1972 almost makes 1971 look like a cakewalk. The Jacksons have faded, replaced by Michael’s solo career still in its very early phases. I wish I could hand no one the belt for a year, but that’s not how the game works. I can barely defend this pick except by saying none of the possibilities were convincing. The Carpenters had a monster 1971, and they actually still existed and put out music the next year with top 10 hits “Hurting Each Other” and “Goodbye to Love.”

Contenders: Elton John appeared on the scene with four hits, “Crocodile Rock,” “Tiny Dance,” “Rocket Man,” and “Honky Cat.” I’m unsure exactly when superstardom hit. Roberta Flack had her first huge hit “The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face” and the #5 “Where is the Love.”

1973:

Paul McCartney and Wings

Obviously it’s a huge advantage, popularity-wise, to have been part of the biggest rock band of all time, but McCartney did not rest on his laurels. He and his band mates in Wings hit the top of the charts with “My Love”, hit #2 with James Bond theme “Live and Let Die,” and had two more top tens.

Contenders: Elton John, again, who we’ll see more of momentarily, released his landmark Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album with hits “Daniel,” “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting,” and the title track.

Part 2 an be found here and part 3 can be found here.

We can finally close the books on 2014, musically. Here’s my top 100 tracks and top 50 albums. As always I intend to quickly regret some of my placements soon after, but it’s a solid snapshot in time. If you so choose, there’s a couple of different ways you can listen – first, here are 8tracks links to my top 40, if you want to listen and be surprised.

Next, here’s a spotify playlist – songs not on spotify have links to YouTube next to their names below.

The lists – my top 100 songs of 2014.

1. Banks – Beggin For Thread
2. Jenny Lewis – Head Underwater
3. Clean Bandit – Rather Be feat. Jess Glynne
4. MØ – Maiden
5. Chloe Howl – Disappointed
6. Vanic X Machineheart – Circles
7. Twin Peaks – Making Breakfast
8. Real Estate – Talking Backwards
9. Angel Olsen – High & Wild
10. Rookie Magazine – Go Forth Feminist Warriors
11. Ariel Pink – Put Your Number In My Phone
12. YG – Who Do You Love?
13. Niia – Body
14. Alvvays – Archie, Marry Me
15. QT – Hey QT
16. I LOVE MAKONNEN – Tuesday
17. Future Islands – Seasons (Waiting On You)
18. First Aid Kit – Master Pretender
19. Tinashe – 2 On
20. Cymbals Eat Guitars – Warning
21. Joyce Manor – Heart Tattoo
22. Drake – 0 To 100 / The Catch Up
23. Speedy Ortiz – Bigger Party
24. Tokyo Police Club – Hot Tonight
25. Candy Hearts – I Miss You
26. Jessie Ware – Tough Love
27. Lykke Li – No Rest For The Wicked
28. EMA – So Blonde
29. Röyksopp & Robyn – Do It Again
30. SOHN – Artifice
31. Charli XCX – Boom Clap
32. Maddie & Tae – Girl In A Country Song
33. Kiesza – Hideaway
34. Kenny Chesney – American Kids
35. Vance Joy – Riptide
36. Woods – Moving to the Left
37. Kira Isabella – Quarterback
38. R.L. – Ugly Heart
39. Miguel – Simplethings
40. Beverly – Madora
41. Migos – Fight Night
42. Music Go Music – Nite After Nite
43. Shamir – On The Regular
44. Spoon – Rent I Pay
45. Sylvan Esso – Coffee
46. Tune-Yards – Water Fountain
47. 5 Seconds Of Summer – She Looks So Perfect
48. Honeyblood – Super Rat
49. Boots – Ride Ride Ride
50. Grimes – Go
51. CEO – Whorehouse
52. Future – Move That Doh
53. Cloud Nothings – I’m Not Part of Me
54. Tinashe – Pretend
55. JJ – Dean & Me
56. Perfume Genius – Queen
57. MKTO – Classic
58. Milky Chance – Stolen Dance
59. Benjamin Booker – Violent Shiver
60. The Apache Relay – Katie Queen Of Tennessee
61. Angel Olsen – Forgiven/Forgotten
62. One Direction – Steal My Girl
63. Vincent – Birth In Reverse
64. MØ – Don’t Wanna Dance
65. Foxygen – How Can You Really
66. Ariana Grande – Break Free
67. Ryan Adams – Gimme Something Good
68. Saint Motel – My Type
69. Run The Jewels – Close Your Eyes (And Count to Fuck) [feat. Zack De La Rocha]
70. Ty Segall – Manipulator
71. How To Dress Well – Repeat Pleasure
72. The Rosebuds – Blue Eyes
73. Miranda Lambert – Automatic
74. Posse – Interesting Thing No. 2
75. Ed Sheeran – Don’t
76. FKA twigs – Lights On
77. Lana Del Rey – Brooklyn Baby
78. Sharon Van Etten – Every Time the Sun Comes Up
79. Beck – Blue Moon
80. Kelis – Breakfast
81. Kendrick Lamar – i
82. Chumped – Hot 97 Summer Jam
83. SOPHIE – Lemonade
84. Dierks Bentley – Drunk On A Plane
85. Ought – Today More Than Any Other Day
86. Rich Gang – Lifestyle
87. Tove Lo – Habits (Stay High)
88. Chromeo – Jealous (I Ain’t With It)
89. Dum Dum Girls – Trouble Is My Name
90. Porter Robinson – Sad Machine
91. Ex Hex – Don’t Wanna Lose
92. Lilly Wood and The Prick – Prayer in C – Robin Schulz Radio Edit
93. Duke Dumont – I Got U
94. Bleachers – I Wanna Get Better
95. Nick Jonas – Jealous
96. White Lung – Snake Jaw
97. Alex Winston – Careless
98. Taylor Swift – Blank Space
99. Merchandise – Enemy
100. Sam Hunt – House Party

And my top 50 albums of 2014…

1. Tinashe – Aquarius
2. Angel Olsen – Burn Your Fire for No Witness
3. MØ – No Mythologies to Follow
4. Jenny Lewis – The Voyager
5. Charli XCX – Sucker
6. Run the Jewels – Run the Jewels 2
7. Twin Peaks – Wild Onion
8. Dum Dum Girls – Too True
9. Real Estate – Atlas
10. EMA – The Future’s Void
11. The War on Drugs – Lost in the Dream
12. Spoon – They Want My Soul
13. Ex Hex – Rips
14. How to Dress Well – “What is the Heart?”
15. Taylor Swift – 1989
16. Miranda Lambert – Platinum
17. Clean Bandit – New Eyes
18. Cymbals Eat Guitars – LOSE
19. First Aid Kit – Stay Gold
20. Tune-yards – Nikki Nack
21. Ty Segall – Manipulator
22. Eric Church – The Outsiders
23. Alvvays – Alvvays
24. Jj – V
25. FKA Twigs – LP1
26. Joyce Manor – Never Hungover Again
27. Ryan Adams – Ryan Adams
28. Chumped – Teenage Retirement
29. Cloud Nothings – Here and Nowhere Else
30. Azealia Banks – Broke with Expensive Taste
31. Mac DeMarco – Salad Days
32. Future Islands – Singles
33. Perfume Genius – Too Bright
34. Kelis – Food
35. Posse – Soft Opening
36. Sylvan Esso – Sylvan Esso
37. Parquet Courts – Something Animal
38. YG – My Krazy Life
39. Ariana Grande – My Everything
40. Against Me! – Transgender Dysphoria Blues
41. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart – Days of Abandon
42. Lykke Li – I Never Learn
43. Todd Terje – It’s Album Time
44. Ought – More Than Any Other Day
45. Metronomy – Love Letters
46. Porter Robinson – Worlds
47. White Lung – Deep Fantasy
48. Beck – Morning Phase
49. Katy B – Little Red
50. Banks – Goddess

The other day, AVClub critic Todd VanDerWerff penned an epic call to the world of TV viewers, fans, and other critics alike, claiming, in to uncertain terms, that our collective culture is overrun by an unbending anti-spoiler attitude, and it’s time to put an end to it. That’s the overall hypothesis, and some of his anti-spoiler feelings are defensible, if controversial. However, as we wade into the nitty gritty of his argument, VanDerWerff makes a number of troubling statements and assertions which I’ll break down in detail.

There’s one major problem overall problem though with his argument, which I’ll start with because it’s the key and most important flaw, before I actually break down some of the problematic pieces of his argument individually. VanDerWerff believes spoilers are overrated, and it’s absolutely his right to do so. What isn’t his right however – is to tell everyone else that because he thinks spoilers are overrated, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks – he’s going to damn well go ahead and spoil things anyway, because he knows better than his readers.

It may sound like I’m making VanDerWerff into an exceptional arrogant potential strawman with that claim, but it’s his choice to absolutely throw down the gauntlet at the start of his post with the first sentence, mentioning a critical detail at the end of Breaking Bad. Sure, the vast majority of people who read that post, or read the AVClub in general had seen the show, or at the least knew how it ended, but that’s beyond the point. He decided to start off before even making his argument by spoiling an important point of an extremely popular and acclaimed show.

So if you haven’t seen that show, well too bad, VanDerWerff is saying. He defends himself quickly, backtracking, by pointing out well, it was only really a partial spoiler; but that’s beyond the point. He knew it was a spoiling something and choose to do it without warning before even setting out his argument to readers.

Now let’s dig in point by point through VanDerWerff’s argument before making some more general statements.

1. VanDerWerff makes the unbelievably audacious claim that people are only bothered by spoilers if plot means everything to them. He writes that his spoiler which I mentioned above, would only ruin the show for someone “if you value plot above everything else.” He continues to explain that anyone who would rather not have a central plot point ruined for them ONLY CARES ABOUT PLOT. This is mind-bogglingy overbroad and incredibly offensive. I strongly believe that anything not worth watching twice is not worth watching once, and I think movies that simply rely on plot twists are generally pretty lousy (The Sixth Sense, which VanDerWerff namechecks is a fine example.). I’m not close to the most spoilerphobic of my friends and a spoiler wouldn’t prevent me from watching a show or movie I want to see. That said, I would prefer not to have details about the final episode of a show I haven’t seen ruined for me for absolutely no reason whatsoever except to shove it in my face, which is what VanDerWerff does to start his post. Again, the assumption that anyone who cares about spoilers ONLY CARES ABOUT PLOT is flat-out ridiculous.

2. VanDerWerff actually refutes his own argument in his second paragraph so I don’t even need to do it for him. He notes that someone told him, and he more or less agreed that spoilerphobes would mean the end of criticism, but as the internet age continues to progress, there appear to be both more spoilerphobes and more criticism and discussion than ever. Well refuted.

3. Well, this is where he talks about the general deleterious effects of anti-spoiler culture on criticism and I want to get back to this at the end, because I think this is the least semantic and more important point.

4. VanDerWerff points out multiple times that spoilerphobia is a relatively recent phenomenon. The first mention he doesn’t back up at all; at the second he points out examples that veer from Don Quixote at the oldest to Death of a Salesman at the most recent; the “recent” being a sixty-year old play. As a counter-example, to promote Psycho, a fifty-plus year old film, director Alfred Hitchcock carefully orchestrated the media and press to prevent plot details from leaking. I’m not sure exactly what Todd means by recent; he doesn’t make it clear. Nor does he exactly explain why the fact that it’s changed over time should have an impact one way or the other on an argument. Forgetting everything else, his argument could be sound or unsound; it shouldn’t matter how it was done before.

5. VerDerWerff argues that spoilers privilege plot over all other elements of craft. This point is a misdirection at best. It assumes that spoilers can only be plot spoilers; which isn’t true at all. For proof, Todd points to one article about Godzilla on Vulture on which no commenter complains about having certain non-plot elements spoiled for them, thus illustrating that spoilerphobes aren’t bothered by non-plot spoilers. The question of what is a spoiler is a fair and valid one – but the premise that spoilerphobes are by nature okay with other aspects of films and TV shows being spoiled for them besides the plot is ridiculous. While I will admit most spoilers are plot spoilers, I know several spoilerphobes who would simply prefer to know nothing or as little as possible about shows and movies they have yet to see, and that includes all elements, not just plot.

6. This piggy-backs right off the last point, and involves the second-most offensive claim of the piece, after the notion that anyone who cares about spoilers ONLY CARES ABOUT PLOT. VanDerWerff writes that “Anti-spoiler zealots largely ignore craft.” This is beyond absurd. I know plenty of anti-spoiler zealots and they are as thoughtful television viewers as anyone else I know, including those who welcome spoilers. The notion that people who care enough about plot to avoid spoilers thus somehow don’t care about any other aspect of a show is a ridiculous and offensive claim based on absolutely nothing.

7. VanDerWerff refers to how Charles Dickens would reveal characters and plots as an argument towards how spoilers were less of an issue when he was writing, and to point out that that was because Dickens and his fans realized the plot was not the most important part of his works. What VanDerWerff ignores here is that Dickens was the author of the works and not a critic; the words were his, and thus, he had a prerogative to reveal details that a critic may not. Again, some people for certain would prefer to receive details in no case, and Dickens as example would be fairly relevant towards that point. But for me, if Matt Weiner, for example, is choosing to give away as little information about an upcoming Mad Men episode as possible, well that means something; the decision whether or not to give away information is vastly different to me than that of a critic who has not created the work.

Here’s what it comes down to. It’s VanDerWerff’s or anyone’s right to think that spoilers are overrated. It’s not their right to then, because they think so, thus spoil shows on purpose for other people. VanDerWerff rightfully points out that it’s hard to figure out what’s a spoiler. Everyone gets that! It’s not always obvious by any means. True spoilerphobes should be very careful on their own, and writers make innocent mistakes accidentally spoiling things all the time; it’s impossible to know what people know. That’s okay! It’s going to happen when you write thousands and thousands of words about TV; it’s simply inevitable. People might be mad, but even most spoilerphobes while angry in the moment would see it as a forgivable offense. What’s not okay is spoiling something on purpose just because you can, and thinking that it doesn’t matter if you do because you think people shouldn’t care about spoilers, so thus too bad.

VanDerWerff claims that spoilerphobia impinges on critical discussion, because critics can’t risk discussing what they want to because of concern about spoilers. There’s a couple major problems with this argument. First, there are plenty of places – episode recaps, most prominently, where it’s implicit that spoilers are coming up. People reading those know there are going to be spoilers. Secondly, there’s an easy, painless solutions, that doesn’t involve not writing about what you want to – simply use the two word phrase SPOILER ALERT. It’s recognized everywhere, and people can choose for themselves whether to continue reading, and you can write about whatever you feel like free from worry. If that means fewer people read your piece, well, too bad.

While figuring out what is a spoiler can be difficult, it’s ultimately a simple solution when you know you’re dealing with one, and VanDerWerff certainly knew, for example, that his first sentence was a spoiler. Just write “SPOILER ALERT.” If you can’t be bothered to write two words before you talk about intense plot details to your heart’s content, I can’t imagine how you can think you’re not the selfish one instead of the readers.

This is a television blog, but first and foremost it’s my blog and it should not surprise anyone that I have interests other than television (how I find time for that while watching 45 TV shows is a good question). Thus, I like to talk about them sometimes. Today, though, it’s simply to officially post my top 50 albums and top 100 songs of 2013. Sure, I may come back and realize how wrong I was and how much I hate some of these songs and albums later in the year, but now it’s on record so at least I’ll have something to compare it to.

First, in case you want to hear the list without having all the songs revealed for you – links to my top 40 songs on 8tracks

40-31
30-21
20-11
10-1

And next Spotify lists of my top 100 songs – first web based, second app-based.

Best of 2013 , Best of 2013

And now the lists – top 100 songs of 2013

1. Rhye – Open
2. Courtney Barnett – Avant Gardener
3. Tegan And Sara – Closer
4. Haim – The Wire
5. John Grant – GMF
6. Sky Ferreira – I Blame Myself
7. Generationals – Put a Light On
8. Daft Punk – Get Lucky
9. Charli XCX – Take My Hand
10. Drake – Hold On, We’re Going Home (feat. Majid Jordan)
11. Vampire Weekend – Unbelievers
12. Foxygen – No Destruction
13. Foals – My Number
14. Autre Ne Veut – Counting
15. Bastille – Pompeii
16. Empire Of The Sun – Alive
17. Paramore – Still Into You
18. CHVRCHES – We Sink
19. Shout Out Louds – 14th Of July
20. Robin Thicke (ft. TI and Pharrell) – Blurred Lines
21. Janelle Monáe – Primetime [feat. Miguel]
22. Thao & The Get Down Stay Down – We the Common (For Valerie Bolden)
23. Lorde – Royals
24. Palma Violets – Best Of Friends
25. Chance The Rapper – Cocoa Butter Kisses (ft. Vic Mensa & Twista)
26. Cults – I Can Hardly Make You Mine
27. Cut Copy – Free Your Mind
28. AlunaGeorge – Attracting Flies
29. James Blake – Retrograde
30. Speedy Ortiz – Tiger Tank
31. The Preatures – Is This How You Feel?
32. Mikal Cronin – Shout It Out
33. Daughn Gibson – Phantom Rider
34. Waxahatchee – Lips and Limbs
35. Summer Camp – Fresh
36. Suede – Barriers
37. Crystal Antlers – Rattlesnake
38. Disclosure – White Noise
39. Johnny Marr – The Right Thing Right
40. Kacey Musgraves – Follow Your Arrow
41. Deap Vally – End Of The World
42. Sleigh Bells – Bitter Rivals
43. Kanye West – Blood On The Leaves
44. Ace Hood – Bugatti
45. Torres – Jealousy and I
46. Unknown Mortal Orchestra – So Good at Being in Trouble
47. Superchunk – Me & You & Jackie Mittoo
48. Summer Camp – Everything Has Changed
49. Blood Orange – You’re Not Good Enough
50. Drake – Started From The Bottom
51. Parquet Courts – Stoned and Starving
52. Guards – Coming True
53. Zedd – Clarity
54. Emeli Sandé – Next to Me
55. Janelle Monáe – Dance Apocalyptic
56. Autre Ne Veut – Play by Play
57. Charli XCX – You – Ha Ha Ha
58. Neko Case – Night Still Comes
59. Arcade Fire – Reflektor
60. Cherub – Doses & Mimosas
61. Peace – Wraith
62. MØ – XXX 88
63. Brandy Clark – Pray To Jesus
64. Chance The Rapper – Favorite Song (ft. Childish Gambino)
65. Thee Oh Sees – Toe Cutter – Thumb Buster
66. Pusha T – King Push
67. A$AP Ferg – Shabba
68. Phosphorescent – Ride On / Right On
69. New Politics – Harlem
70. Miley Cyrus – We Can’t Stop
71. Rich Homie Quan – Type of Way
72. Empire Of The Sun – DNA
73. Arctic Monkeys – Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?
74. Eric Church – The Outsiders
75. J. Cole – Power Trip
76. Rhye – 3 Days
77. Kelela – Floor Show [Prod. Girl Unit]
78. Ka – Barring the Likeness
79. Camera Obscura – Do It Again
80. The Men – Half Angel Half Light
81. Chris Malinchak – So Good To Me
82. Mike Will Made It – 23
83. Man Man – Head On [Hold On To Your Heart]
84. Rihanna – Stay
85. Bottomless Pit – Fleece
86. Yuck – Rebirth
87. Paramore – Fast In My Car
88. John Grant – Pale Green Ghosts
89. Lorde – Tennis Court
90. Mount Kimbie – You Took Your Time (feat. King Krule)
91. The National – I Need My Girl
92. The Weeknd – The Town
93. CAZZETTE – Beam Me Up
94. Telekinesis – Power Lines
95. Youth Lagoon – Mute
96. The War On Drugs – Red Eyes
97. Kurt Vile – Wakin on a Pretty Day
98. Smallpools – Dreaming
99. C2C – Down The Road
100. Pittbull ft. Ke$ha – Timber

And my top 50 albums of 2013:

1. Autre Ne Veut – Anxiety
2. Chance the Rapper –Acid Rap
3. CharliXCX – True Romance
4. Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of the City
5. Drake – Nothing Was the Same
6. Speedy Ortiz – Major Arcana
7. Sky Ferreira – Night Time, My Time
8. Foxygen – We Are The 21st Century Ambassadors Of Peace & Magic
9. Haim – Days are Gone
10. Paramore – Paramore
11. Chvrches – The Bones of What You Believe
12. AlunaGeorge – Body Music
13. Kacey Musgraves – Same Trailer Different Park
14. Kanye West – Yeezus
15. Pusha T – My Name is My Name
16. Summer Camp – Summer Camp
17. Waxahatchee – Cerulean Salt
18. Arcade Fire – Reflektor
19. Rhye – Women
20. Daughn Gibson – Me Moan
21. Deap Valley – Sistronix
22. Suede – Bloodsports
23. Johnny Marr – The Messenger
24. Empire of the Sun – Ice on the Dune
25. Cults – Statis
26. Thao and the Get Down Stay Down – We the Common
27. Bastille – Bad Blood
28. Kurt Vile – Walkin on a Pretty Daze
29. Kelela – CUT 4 ME
30. Ka – The Night’s Gambit
31. Daft Punk – Random Access Memories
32. John Grant – Pale Green Ghosts
33. Janelle Monae – The Electric Lady
34. Blood Orange – Cupid Deluxe
35. Camera Obscura – Desire Lines
36. Shout Out Louds – Opitca
37. Foals – Holy Fire
38. Unknown Mortal Orchestra – II
39. Yuck – Glow & Behold
40. Majical Cloudz – Impersonator
41. Disclosure – Settle
42. Fear of Men – Early Fragments
43. Guards – In Guards We Trust
44. The Men – New Moon
45. Torres – Torres
46. David Bowie – The Next Day
47. Justin Timberlake – The 20-20 Experience
48. Phosphorescent – Muchcacho
49. Lucius -Wildewoman
50. The Weeknd – Kiss Land

I’ve railed in public and private, in writing and in talking, to friends and to random strangers, about the overuse of narration on television. Don’t get me wrong; when done right, narration can add to a show, and I’ll list my favorite example of narration done right at the end to finish on a positive note. Ninety percent of the time, though, narration is a lazy narrative gimmick choice for a television show which saves the writers some work but takes away from the show. Here’s several reasons why.

1. Narration eliminates subtlety

As I mentioned above, I think narration on television is almost always a bad idea, but my most recent bete noire for the cause is How I Met Your Mother, which stands as a shining example of just about every rule against narration. Narration is often a patronizing device to help explain to viewers concepts and jokes that the show is not confident we’ll figure out otherwise. A character will explain something, and we, as smart 21^st century viewers, can figure out what’s going on, and of course,if we can’t, our friends and the internet will tell us. Not to worry though, if you don’t, because the character chimes in with some narration explaining what just happened, illuminating something to a small section of the audience while making most of the viewers smack their heads. Dexter is a champion of this kind of narration. An interaction between Dexter and someone else will happen which the viewers will obviously understand and then Dexter will chime in explaining needlessly what just happened. Not only is this patronizing, but it eliminates any sense of ambiguity and subtlety which good television thrives on. There is such a thing as being too subtle, but it’s always never a problem on television, while the opposite is a constant problem.

2. Narration is a lazy, easy way to send a message, by telling when the show should be showing

Television shows are called shows for a reason. How I Met Your Mother, Sex and the City, and Scrubs are just three of the shows that engage in this behavior constantly. While my first complaint applies mostly to plot points and actions within a show, this applies to the giving of greater meaning behind those plot points. The show is trying to explain to us something about life, from finer small points ot the big picture. This is patronizing as well, but more lazy than patronizing. If a smart, quality show has a message it wants to send, it tries to craft its story and dialogue to get that message across through the normal events of the show. A lazy show has events and dialogue but makes sure to just straight out tell you want it wants you to learn, concerned that you won’t be able to get it from the events and dialogue.

3. Narration wrecks comic timing and overtells jokes.

This is particularly true, really for comedies, and is similar to point 2. There’s a comic timing that dialogue has that is hard to mimic through narration. I know I keep picking on How I Met Your Mother, but their narration-based jokes are amongst the worst jokes the series has to offer, including the recurring “What I did say” bits where a character says something that they didn’t actually say, and then Bob Saget introduces what they actually said, and it’s supposed to be funny because it’s the opposite. It is possible to make solid narration jokes but it’s more common that narration ruins the natural timing of dialogue and drives an obvious joke into the ground. Even Arrested Development’s narration, which is among the better examples in television, happens up this occasionally when the narrator says the opposite to make a joke that is better off unsaid because everyone can get the point without it.

4. Narration is often used for heavy moralizing

This is related to 2 as well, and is a particular pet peeve of mine. Many shows have some sort of message they’re trying to get across, but some shows really try to teach you a lesson. Good messaging doesn’t feel like getting taught a lesson, but bad messaging lays it on really thick and feels like a lecture. How I Met Your Mother, once again, is a particularly bad offender. I don’t want advice from older Ted about the right way to live my life. Related to point 2, even if they felt How I Met Your Mother felt it really had to teach us something about the right way to live, it should do it through its storyline and not through older Ted just blurting out what’s right. That said, this point is more towards the fact that I never want a show straight out telling me what’s wrong or right and that rarely happens as clearly on shows without narration.

Certainly not all narration is terrible and while assembling entire list of my favorite examples of narration might require an entire other article, I’ll at least note my favorite recent television narration, which is on Peep Show, a British sitcom. In Peep Show, the narration is a stream of consciousness from both protagonists Mark and Jeremy, and instead of feeling like a high school essay being read, or a well-rehearsed story told dozens of times, the narration truly feels like their ongoing thought process and is an extremely important element of what makes the show hilarious, rather than an extraneous and unnecessary aspect