(In order to meld the spirit of futile sports predictions with the high stakes world of the who-will-be-cancelled-first fall television season, I’ve set up a very simple system of predictions for how long new shows will last. Each day, I’ll (I’m aware I switched between we and I) lay out a network’s new shows scheduled to debut in the fall (reality shows not included – I’m already going to fail miserably on scripted shows, I don’t need to tackle a whole other animal) with my prediction of which of three categories it will fall into.
These categories are:
1. Renewal – show gets renewed
2. 13+ – the show gets thirteen or more episodes, but not renewed
3. 12- – the show is cancelled before 13)
Fox is the first of the networks to debut fall shows, and thus they’ll be the first up for previews and predictions. Fox has my most anticipated fall comedy, the fall comedy the looks the worst, and two dramas that are somewhere in between.
Sleepy Hollow – 9/16
You know the legend. You’ve maybe seen the ‘90s Tim Burton movie of the same name. This time, the story is updated to take place in modern times. Protagonist Ichabod Crane and antagonist the Headless Horseman both mysteriously travel forward in time from the late 18th century to current day Westchester, New York. The Headless Horseman becomes a modern day serial killer and Ichabod and local police officer Abbie Mills must team up to stop him. Of course, matters grow orders of magnitude more epic when it turns out the Horseman may be part of a much deeper thousands of year old occult group which could lead to evil taking over the earth, or something. It looks neither particularly good nor particularly bad.
Prediction: 13+ – I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like a hit but it doesn’t feel like a crazy obvious flop either. Split the difference.
Almost Human – 11/4
In the future, like the future, future, humans cops are partnered with robots to get the best out of both of them; precision from machines, and gut reactions from humans. One old-school detective, played by Karl Urban of Star Trek fame (and unrelated to Keith) does not play well with robot others. His superiors have an idea. They pair him, instead of with the normal robot detective model, with a discontinued model that feels feelings. They think, that while that old model had disadvantages, old school detective Kennex can bring something out of it. It doesn’t look particularly interesting but we were more than overdue for a police procedural set in the future.
Prediction: 13+ – I feel the same way I feel about Sleepy Hollow, it hardly screams hit, but it doesn’t scream obvious instant failure either.
Dads – 9/17
Two thirty-something successful video game something or others have their life turned upside down when their fathers move in with them. Seth Green and Giovanni Ribisi are the sons, Martin Mull and Peter Riegert are the respective fathers. Brenda Song is their assistant, Vanessa Lachey (ne Minillo) is Ribisi’s wife). Seth MacFarlane produces; the creators are two Family Guy writers. It’s so bad and racist and offensive and downright unfunny that I briefly considered whether it was a genius bit of anit-humor. It’s not though.
Predi tion: 12- This preview looked truly awful. Like, awful, awful, awful. If this succeeds, well, I’m not going to say I’ll stop writing, because I won’t, but I’ll want to.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – 9/17
Andy Samberg tries to get the Amy Poehler treatment as the creators of Parks & Recreation bring us this show about an immature but talented detective who must deal with a new straight-laced captain, played by new-to-comedy TV-legend Andre Braugher. Andy Samberg, .like Amy Poehler has been the wacky side character struggling to have the gravitas to play the lead, and if the magic applied to Amy Poheler can work on Samberg this could be a very funny show.
Prediction: Renewal – I could be wrong but this looks like the most promising new comedy of the season. If it can be half of what Parks & Recreation is, I think Fox will give it at least one more season.
Television, the Drug of the Nation 
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