You’ve been waiting for it, I’ve been waiting for it, we’ve all been waiting for it. Sure, it’s been cancelled already by the time you read this, but you weren’t going to watch it anyway, and don’t tell me you’re not the least bit curious.
Here’s the thing; Made in Jersey is bad, just like everybody could have easily anticipated, and that’s clear and pretty obvious from the get go. Unlike 2 Broke Girls, though, it doesn’t make me angry or sad, it’s just hilariously bad and destined to fail, everyone kind of knows it, and this makes watching and reviewing it surprisingly enjoyable. It’s lame duck television.
Let’s start out with what you have to know. Martina Geretti is a lawyer who used to work for the Trenton DA’s office but now recently started working for a large prestigious white shoe Manhattan firm. She gets into a mini-scuffle with a rude biker in the first two minutes of the show, letting you know that she’s got an accent, she’s got attitude to spare, and she’s a lawyer so she can threaten you when you piss her off.
Here’s what you also need to know. She showcases her Jersey Smarts ™ several times in the episodes, which I will catalog, but basically, she gets promoted quickly into a high profile position. Her head boss in Kyle McLaughlin, who doesn’t really do a lot. Her next boss is some other guy who is literally constructed out of cardboard (yes, obviously not literally). Her immediate co-worker who is slightly senior to her however, is played by Law & Order: SVU’s Stephanie March and has apparently made it her mission to be a total bitch to Martina because she’s a stupid Jersey know-nothing. When I saw what the show was about, I thought everybody would be out to get Martina, and mock her for her Jersey ways, but it’s really just Stephanie March, although she does it often enough to count for everyone. Basically, the rest of this review will be me listing examples of Martina using her Jersey Smarts ™ and me listing how Stephanie March is crazy mean to her.
Jersey Smarts ™ #1: In one of the first scenes, before Martina heads to an important meeting she accidentally stains her blouse. She quickly refashions her outfit to make herself presentable.
Jersey Smarts ™ #2: Kyle McLaughlin brings up an important murder case in a huge meeting, noting that the police think that pliers were the murder weapon. Martina explains that the pliers weren’t a weapon, but rather a fashion accessory for helping the girl put on tight jeans. She’s immediately promoted for her pluck and gumption.
Her next client then, hearing her accent, thinks she must work for the lawyer, and March castigates her that Trenton isn’t New York. Take that!
Jersey Smarts ™ #3: When her client comes in for court with ratty hair that will make her look guilty, Martina uses her salon skills to fix it up on the fly.
March comments that Martina would be excellent at talking to some small time witnesses, because she “speaks townie.” Burn!
Jersey Smarts ™ #4: Martina, as a Jersey lawyer out of water at a big New York firm, understands not to judge people at first sight; the same mistake many are making about her client.
March makes a Real Housewives of New Jersey reference, in regards to Martina. Come on, you knew it was coming at some point.
Jersey Smarts ™ #5: Martina recognizes that possible blood on a doorknob may instead be bleach from when the defendant was changing the color of her hair, something that dawned upon her on a trip to the salon.
March shows off how out of touch she is; When talking about beauty supplies and highlights, Martina mentions how expensive and difficult to afford they can be, and March mentions that hers cost $300.
Jersey Smarts ™ #6: Martina figures out that the defendant, a poor college scholarship girl, used the bleach to imitate “resort hair,” to pretend she had been on vacation, like a rich kid.
Oh, Martina eventually is picked by the boring lawyer to do the important cross examination and wins the admiration of the judge for her spunk and passion. She also talks a tattoo parlor into giving a refund to her niece because, lawyer, but then gets a tattoo herself! She’s a woman of contradictions. Yay, New Jersey.
Will I watch it again? No, because even if I wanted to, it’s not on anymore. And no, it’s a bad show. Still, I had a surprising amount of fun with this, I’m tempted to watch the second to do another write up.
Television, the Drug of the Nation 
Maybe it’s just me, but “biker” insinuates it was someone on a motorcycle, and it was definitely a bicyclist. She would have come off a lot tougher if it had been a biker though!
Having obviously not seen the show, I absolutely assumed we were talking about it being an actual biker. In fact, it made me wonder if he had crumbs in his beard at the time.